On this page, you will find writings and snippets by me, the most recent at the top of the page, each superceding the last. If you're looking for my household manual, you can download the latest update or you can download the original version. Note, the two are now vastly different.

Over the years, I've come to feel that a slave isn't a "deeper" level of submissive, but that slaves are simply different creatures altogether. I have, in the past, felt that slaves were somehow "more committed"; in fact, you can scroll down and read what I used to believe closer to the bottom of the page (further down the page is older stuff). But now, understanding the Ms journey as a spiritual journey, I view things differently.

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(Entry date: August, 2009):

The Spiritual Development of Master and slave

In the end, it's pretty simple: a slave is someone who has the spiritual destiny to surrender to another and a Master is someone who is willing to take the responsibility that this surrender entails. The goal is an egoless relationship where obedience is the only thing of importance. There's no decision to be made about whether or not to obey, there is only obedience, of the slave to the Master and of the Master to “something beyond themselves”. I call this “something” the Universe or the Divine or Spirit interchangably.

In the beginning of these obedience based relationships, it is often common to find boundaries...emotional, physical, psychological and spiritual. As the relationship progresses, one by one, those boundaries are released...not taken or breached, but released freely by the slave to the Master. It is the same with the Master and the Universe. In each case, it is an active practice in obedience to release these boundaries and trust that what we obey only has our highest calling and best interests at heart.

This kind of relationship is the desired end result; before we are truly ready, there are some things I feel MUST happen first. I am not the only one to believe this and am certainly not the first. My philosophies are my interpretation of SlaveMaster’s (of bornslaves) and the Butchmanns Experience philosophies. In a nutshell, the slave and Master must each pass through three stages in life in order to reach emotional, psychological and spiritual maturity and attain the goal of the obedience based relationship. Inside this, it is crucial to know two things:

1. There are no skipping of steps in this process and
2. this is a practice…we must be willing to do things wrong until we do them right.

Every path to enlightenment, which is what I think our practice of Mastery and slavery can be, is often divided into stages by the mystics. Buddhism has four (or eight, depending on how you read it) stages, Hinduism has at least seven, individual enlightened people/swami have three and up. My beliefs have a fundamental three, each of which has a specific set of characteristics.

A very brief encapsulation of SlaveMaster’s philosophy is thus:

1. Tribe. A person must be a member of a societal group that offers structure and guidelines about life and the experience of it. A person is willing to exchange their adherence to the guidelines for the comfort and safety the group provides.
2. Independence. At some point, a person must leave the Tribe and begin an independent life. Here, a healthy ego is developed through an egoic pursuit of happiness.
3. Obedience. A person realizes that true happiness comes from being obedient to a higher destiny of some sort. Negative egoic issues are addressed and replaced with an enlightened sense of the Higher Self.

The characteristics of a person’s Tribe can vary in as much as a church group, gaming group or gang vary. But, there are common attributes: each has specific, often unspoken, rules about how to behave. Among them, we might have guidelines about speech, clothing and actions. Inside the Tribe, we find safety and acceptance and for it, we are willing to follow the rules of behavior.
            
The independent person begins by developing their own ideas and notions about life in such a way that they no longer need, or perhaps aren't accepted by, the Tribe and so they leave or are cast out. Now free from the authority of their tribe, the person begins individuation (in the classical Jungian sense) and the development of their Ego. They begin to learn to live by their own rules, within their own moral and ethical limits. The person begins to “put things on their board,” listing goals they wish to attain in life. An important point here is that, amongst the goals on the board, the person has written ‘happiness’. As the person’s Ego develops and they “begin to be who they truly are and live authentically,” they achieve goals on the board. The development of the Ego is essential in this process and until it has developed sufficiently.

Obedience, or incorporation, contains an important realization about happiness: it is only when the person surrenders their fully developed Ego, and its goals, that they actually feel true and meaningful happiness and fulfillment. The person ’s happiness is found by surrendering to their destiny and obeying what they are given to do for their destiny’s sake.

For us, it is important to differentiate between how this works for Master and slave individually. A slave will find happiness in obedience to a Master, Masters will find happiness in obedience to their Spirit. In order to do this, each begins to “choke off” all the Egoic voices that keep them from hearing their orders. This is a practice; it is not a "perfect" state that we attain but, as the skill is developed, the orders are more and more readily heard.

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(Entry date: March, 2009):

Over the years, I've come to feel that a slave isn't a "deeper" level of submissive, but that slaves are simply different creatures altogether. I have, in the past, felt that slaves were somehow "more committed". In fact, you can scroll down and read what I used to believe closer to the bottom of the page (further down the page is older stuff). But now, understanding the Ms journey as a spiritual journey, I view things differently.

In the end, it's pretty simple: a slave is someone who has the spiritual destiny to surrender to another. The goal is an ego-less relationship where obedience is the only thing of importance. slaves in this state operate from a place where obedience simply IS. There's no decision to be made about whether or not to obey. There is only obedience.

However, this is the desired END result. There are many things that MUST come before. Trust is the crux. The slave must trust that everything the Master orders is authentically the best for the slave. That trust doesn't often come over night. The slave has to move from living their lives freely to becoming "enslaved" or "born" or whatever you want to call it. And, it is crucial to know, THERE ARE NO SKIPPING OF STEPS.

First, there MUST be boundaries...emotional, physical, psychological and spiritual. As the relationship progresses, one by one, those boundaries are released...not taken or breached, but released freely by the slave.

Second, a development of a healthy ego must have occurred. A slave cannot fully surrender their ego if that "ego" is damaged. When the "ego" is damaged, that means they have allowed others to have power over them. You cannot give what you do not have to give. It is only when that power is reclaimed and the ego is developed to be healthy, that the surrender can fully happen. This isn't to say that a relationship must wait until the slave is prefect and free of baggage. What is IS meant to say is that the Master/slave relationship cannot begin until the slave is willing to reclaim their power and thereby surrender it.

Third, there must be the understanding that the process is continual. Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood carry water. This means, in this context, that once the slave has an epiphany and releases a boundary, another is there to be worked on next.

Fourth, when the slave realizes that it's job is NOT to please the Master, but to OBEY the Master, THEN things begin in earnest. Being pleasing is about ego and its desire for another to approve of the slave. Obedience doesn't care about the ego...in fact, idealistically, obedience is an egoless state of being. The slave has either obeyed or not.

Fifth, it is up to the Master to ensure their own pleasure. If they are not pleased by the obedience of the slave, their orders were not correct or stated clearly enough to ensure success. It is up to the Master to fix this and be responsible for their own emotions, action and reactions. It is not the slave's, or anyone else's, responsibility to make ANYONE feel a specific way.

Oh, and the bulk of this applies to the Master as well. We must also develop our healthy egos and then surrender that ego to our higher power...that inner voice we hear guiding from within. THAT's the Fire Within.

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(Entry date: sometime in late 2007):

I believe that Masters and slaves come to the table as healthy adults with equally important needs. What makes us different from other relationships is that we have a transfer of authority inside a well-defined, agreed upon structure. In such a relationship, the slave is of equal value as a person, but is not of equal status.

These relationships can encompass all or part of what I see as my three cornerstones for an Ms relationship: Service, Spirituality and SM. Notice the order; it's intentional, the most important to me being listed first. Also notice that sex is NOT listed. While sex is fun, and I am currently seeking someone who can fulfill this as part of his service,it isn't a necessary part of an Ms relationship for me. Thus, my Household is open to all genders, sexes and sexual orientations.

If I feel led to Master someone, the way I build the relationship is simple; I set forth what I want, then I wait for the slave to be ready to surrender each thing to me in their own time. As the slave comes to trust me and surrender their will, the depth of the relationship grows...and it only grows as fast as the slowest partner (because, rest assured, I will have a growth process too!). As the relationship deepens, I wait for the slave to request their collars. I have found that most slaves who are looking for the same relationship fundamentals I am will ask only when they feel they are ready. I accept when I feel that I am ready.

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My Livejournal

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I'm published! In March, 2007, Nazca Plains published my book, Manual Creation: Defining the Structure of an Ms Household. I'm thrilled. A non-fiction book isn't what I'd ever expected to publish, but the writing does suit the scientist in me.

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In December of 2005, I took two brands onto my flesh. Yes, the Master has been branded. I now have two phrases in braille on my forearms. On the left, it says "servant master"; on the right, "warrior priestess". If you'd like to see the process, take a look. Fire's Branding I intend to have them re-done, by my girl anne, at the Women's Butchmanns in August.

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In December of 2004, I attended Southwest Leather Conference in Phoenix, AZ. That was the beginning of a spiritual journey for me. In 2005, I attended APEX Academy's Butchmanns Experience twice. Butchmanns has been a cornerstone in my self development. It was there that I self-identified as a Master (a gender neutral term in the greater Leather Community). Since SWLC, people have come into my life to play important roles. Situations have manifested that are undeniably learning experiences. It has been and still is hard; looking deep within is not easy. But, I wouldn't undo it, given the chance.

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(Entry date: early in 2006):

My spiritual journey over the last year has been amazing. I have come to identify as a Servant Master: as the slave serves the Master, the Master serves a higher calling. I find that I must have a spiritual component in my committed relationships now; without it, the relationship is "flat". This isn't to say that I don't still enjoy the sensual or SM play, but to say that in order to consider a collar, right now, I need a spiritual component.

My spirituality is an eclectic mix of Pagan, Native American and Eastern with a Christian background. I am all, yet not totally any, of these. Basically, I deal with energy; it’s interactions with us and in us. Think Chakra or Chi…then add ritual, ancestors and speaking in tongues.

So, combine all that with the whole Warrior Priestess archetype that seems to be my fate this time around, you get me. A wonderful definition of the Warrior Priestess: A Warrior is someone who is ready and willing to do battle with intelligence and truth; A Priestess is a leader who embodies the qualities of integrity, truth, honor, wisdom, and higher consciousness. These roles, I strive to fill as best as I can.

Oh yeah, I'm a Physicist, too. Go figure.

I'm an odd bird, so to speak. I'm intense, smart and deep. That seems to overwhelm a lot of people who talk to me. I have insight that can be creepy...even to me. It's not a consistent thing either, which makes it frustrating. I get nothing from most people, some things from some people and a great deal from people who have special meaning to me and/or my journey. slave girl anne has been one such person. she and I share a connection that is comforting and strengthening to each of us. We met at Butchmanns in January 2005. There, in an odd turn of events, it was decided that the single slaves would be paired up with the single Masters. anne served me that weekend...and we have been connected ever since. The draw of me to her is one of warrior sisters; as women, we nurture, as warriors we fight to heal. I am humbled by her submission to me as much as I am proud to fight beside her.

I also I had an intense spiritual encounter in Aug-Sept 2005 with someone who wasn't in the lifestyle. This encounter was a life-altering, but too short, friendship to someone I named Ice. I miss him very much, as we had the potential to be spiritual partners and perhaps more. Ice died on Sept. 28th, 2005. Even though he is gone, this relationship is still teaching me valuable lessons that I need in order to lead the second Ice, whom I met almost one month to the day after the first died. As much as I miss the first, I am awed by the second. I know that I couldn't have changed the outcome of the first's life, but in knowing him until he died, I was given insight into the second. The second Ice, slave jason, is another warrior, but new and, as of yet, untried in many areas. I am proud to lead him and feel contented by his protective service.

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(Entry date: sometime in 2005):

Cherished Possessions:

My slaves are a reflection of me, thus, I want those who are worth owning. Ownership is about empowering the slave to reach their full potential, not about putting the fear of god into them or making them feel worthless. Spirituality is the path that allows us to see and search for this potential. In such as way, the slave grows and appreciates the life given to them. Ruling by fear or humiliation might work for a while, but it doesn't lead to healthy slaves, or a healthy Master, in the long run.

I don't necessarily look for perfection in slaves; I look for potential. In order to be a match and fit to serve me, a slave must:

• Be spiritual: They must feel a higher calling that is tied to their service. Right now, that seems to be in the guise of some sort of a warrior archetype. Even if that's not the case, they must feel that what they do is a calling, not just play.
• Be well maintained: I don’t mean they have to have a body to die for. I mean someone who has their mind in a place where they are fit to serve.
• Be service oriented: My slave need to be a person who values service because they mentally and emotionally understand that a slave exists to please their owner. And no, I don’t mean oral service for hours or turning on your web cam so I can “control” you while you whack off. Nor do I mean pleasing me to the detriment of themselves.
• Be self assured: A confident slave with a sense of self value is important. This means I don’t want someone who thinks it’s their life’s mission to be a worm to all Females. If I wanted a worm, I’d dig one up in the back yard. This person would realize that the statement “All Females are Superior” is an insult to those of us who understand that some women just don’t deserve to be called superior. Lumping me into a mass group with manipulative and abusive women is just rude, at best.
• Have personality: My slave will have their own personality. you’re kidding yourself if you think that you will be able to change the very core of who you are for a Mistress or Master. If you have an outrageous sense of humor, don’t submit to someone who wants Mr. Spock. I enjoy a good laugh and like to cut up. I want to be able to enjoy just spending time with my slave.
• Possess intelligence: I am an intelligent woman. I don’t need someone who knows everything, just someone capable of learning. I enjoy discussions that cause us to think and explore ourselves. I enjoy being witty and being a nerd. No, I don’t play D&D, but I can tell you the difference between General and Special Relativity.
• Be happy in a poly relationship: I want a Family of slaves, not a monogamous relationship. I need to know that my slaves will be happy serving me together. We can work through jealousy and envy, if there is open communication between us all.

Throwing away the above things for a relationship is going to bring you and me nothing but heartache. In service, you must be allowed to be yourself and to grow inside the role you have chosen. Being a possession doesn't mean you should make yourself into nothing, it means you should make yourself into something worth owning; a Cherished Possession.

(Entry date: sometime in 2005):

The " Leather lifestyle" and BDSM were slightly different to me. The difference is subtle. BDSM stands for 'bondage and discipline' , 'dominance and submission' and 'sadism and masochism', things that I do and enjoy. However, the acronym doesn't say anything about having a Leather family, a heritage or a community from which to learn how to run a Leather household. To me, BDSM is a listing of the fetishes that I may or may not do as PART of Leather. The term "Leather lifestyle" encompasses the 'family' for me and this is what I long for and find important. So, I DO BDSM, but I am learning to LIVE a Leather lifestyle. But, it's more trouble than it's worth to change my name. ;-)

(Entry date: sometime in 2005):

Tolerance is a big thing for me. When I say, "It isn't all about sex for me" I am merely stating my own opinion and not trying to condemn those who DO choose sex as an integral part of their kink. And hell,, I might be looking for that sex slave too! (of course, sex is just one example of what I mean by tolerance). Learning to accept people as they are is one step closer to learning the "truth" on a Universal plane, to me. However, I freely acknowledge this is sometimes easier said than done.

(Entry date: sometime in 2005):

I have always been Dominant, from the time I was little. I can remember being in Girl Scouts...we were doing a puppet show using barnyard animal puppets. The other girls MADE me be Bossy, the Cow. I was hurt, thinking they made me do this because I was overweight, but they reassured me (I think) that it was because I was so bossy, not because I was fat. Things like this kept cropping up throughout my life. I just like being in control.

(Entry date: sometime in 2005):

Did you know that there are many cultures that recognize 3rd and 4th genders? In some, they are looked down upon, such as the Hidra in India. But, a lot of cultures accepted these people as important and even supernatural aspects of their life. The Berdache of the Native Americans is the best example I know of. Almost always, 3rd gender applies to men adopting feminine roles while the 4th is women adopting male roles. They may or may not be homosexual (although they usually were). Do some research; it's fascinating.

(Enry date: Prior to 2004)

I also believe there are subtle difference between a masochist/Sadist/, a bottom/Top, a submissive/Dominant and slave/Master (Mistress). My interpretation is based on the "The Nine Levels of Submission" originally published by Diane Vera in The Lesbian S/M Safety Manual from Lace/Alyson Press. While I feel no level better than another, I find than I lean towards the later two in relationships that I desire. Does this mean I don't have relationships of the other types? No, it just means that when I am actively seeking, I seek submissives and slaves.